Super annoying post... you don't want to read... I'm venting.

I'm probably just going to ramble on and on incoherently because that's what I feel like doing. I have 13 days left. 13. That may not sound like a lot, but to me it is feeling like an eternity. I'm going to try and not sound as whiney as I actually feel, because I know that's annoying. I have done a good job of keeping myself busy and distracted until a couple weeks ago when I had a little false alarm. Now this is all I can think about. And it's driving me crazy. Every little movement or every little pain makes me wonder...

Is this it? Is it time? What day is today? Is Charles home? Can Mom watch the boys? Is she going to have to take time off work? Will Charles be able to take time off from his new job now? Will he be able to take time off from his old job? Will he be able to stay with me in the hospital? So many different answers to all these different questions depending on the day she decides to come.

I have no energy. I've been expecting some good ole' "nesting" energy to arrive, but I think that's crap. So they say you should have this energy out of the blue to scrub your house top to bottom with a toothbrush, rearrange your furniture, and shine all your shoes. Then your baby will come. Yeah. Right. I have had about 3 different times when I have forced myself to have enough energy to finish the laundry that's been sitting on my couch for 3 days, finish the dishes because we're out of clean ones, or do the grocery shopping for the week. But scrub a bathroom? Rearrange furniture? Shine my shoes? Please. I find myself panting like a dog just going up (and down!) the stairs. And I don't think that has anything to do with when your baby will arrive.

I'm also finding myself to become a lot more sensitive and emotional these days. Which I HATE! I don't like to cry. But I hate the feeling of losing control over my emotions even more. Which makes me cry more. It's a vicious cycle that I will be more than happy to be rid of.

And everytime this little girl moves, it feels like a tiny contraction because she pushes out so hard. She has no more room to grow. Laying down is hard because she pushes up on my lungs, making it difficult to breath. And when she's not doing that, she's doing something funky to my stomach that makes me feel like I'm going to puke. Wait, I said I wasn't going to whine too much, right? Hm. Oh well.

Bottom line, I'm totally uncomfortable and ready to evict her. She's full term. Of course I also have all these fears about when she actually does come. Will she be healthy? Will be she be ready? Will she be as old as they think she is? Will there be complications? Will I wish for these days back once she's here? Will I have a hard time bonding with her? Will my boys feel ignored and cast aside?

Man, this post is annoying. I hope everyone has stopped reading by now. But if not, here are some pictures of the baby's room...


When I found out I was having a girl, I was excited to start getting the room ready. But it was Bradley's and it was blue. I thought about repainting it a girlie color, but let's just face it. I'm way too lazy for that.


But I think it's good that I never repainted. After living in boyland for so long, I think anymore pink than this would have been overkill for me. I'm not really into pink to begin with, but I figured it was necessary in order to have a girlie feel to it in a family full of boys. Kare and I found this nursery set after many many many many hours of searching. Santa brought us the same set and we both love it. And I have to say that these sticker things that you can put up on your wall are the best. I was looking into designs that I could paint on the wall, but really... again, who are we kidding? Why would I do all that work, if I could just do this? It looks way better than I could have ever done on my own. So yay for wall stickers!


One day when I had the kids with me grocery shopping, Kaleb saw this bear stuffed animal. All three of my boys have their own bear that is really like a best friend to each of them. Jaden had Corduroy, Kaleb has Skinny, and Bradley had Bear-Bear. Anyway, Kaleb said that "the little sister" would need one too and asked if we could buy it for her. It's not the cutest bear I have seen, but the fact that Kaleb was so insistent on her having it, was so sweet, that I had no choice.

Also, Kaleb has these blankets that he LOVES. He can give up sleeping with Skinny, but only if he has a blanket. They are just as special to him. I never really understood why he loved them so much until he started offering to let ME sleep with them. (So sweet.) They are really the softest, silkiest, best blankets in the world. I noticed that Kaleb likes to spread them on his pillow and rest his head on them. Now I know why. They seem to stay cold longer than the pillow. It's better than 1000 ct. egyptian cotton... I would guess. Better than hotel sheets. Bradley has a blanket, but his doesn't have the same effect. The only thing I can guess that would be the major difference is who made it. Kaleb's is from Gymboree, and Bradley's is from Carter's. So I decided I needed one of my own. I went to Gymboree and found one, but decided it was a little ridiculous to buy one for myself, so I bought one for the baby. I love it. Her bear is sitting on top of it in her crib. Yes, I borrow it from time to time. But hey, now it will smell like me a little more. :)


Anyway, I've been collecting girl clothes for the past few months. I only shop the clearance racks, and there's a good reason for that... Besides the insane prices, I need parameters. I would go crazy putting my family in the poorhouse over baby clothes.



Luckily between the clearance racks, Christmas, and my sister-in-law who has been generous enough to give me some of her daughter's old stuff, I am off to a good start. Shopping for girls is way more fun than shopping for boys. At least in the clothing department. I haven't even thought about the toy department. In fact, I don't think I've bought ANY clothes for my boys at all this year. I just don't even look anymore. Which I'm sure I'll regret forgetting to stock up on the off-season sales for Jaden. Oh well.


So that cheered me up a bit. I need to find a good distraction. Like a project or something. But what? Yesterday I decided I was going to spend all day helping Jaden finish all his crazy requirements to earn his Soaring Eagle Award. I was all set to help him research an animal, write his report, make a poster about a family trip, make him memorize all the continents, oceans, 3 poems, math facts, write and illustrate a story, etc... Unfortunately I was only thinking about myself. Poor Jaden was in tears after an hour of working with me. Guess I can't expect a kid to spend 7 hours at school, and then give me 5 hours of extra work at home with no break in between. I even forgot to give him a snack. He was just sitting at the counter crying while writing his report. Once I realized how horrible a mom I was, I told him to stop and we could finish later. But he was determined to finish that report. He just kept on writing with tears streaming down his face. What a jerk, I am! At least I remembered to give him a snack at that point. That seemed to help.

Jules, I wish you were here to teach me how to make cool jewelry. Or find me a good book to lose myself in. Kare, I wish you were here to teach me how to make any of the cool stuff you and Randi make. Or just to let me hold your adorable baby that I've never met! Alli, I wish you were here to watch seasons of TV shows with me all in one weekend. Now those would be some good distractions. :)

Anyway, I know this was a super boring post. Sorry. I needed to vent somewhere. I think I am done.